New Years Blues

So i've decided that just a few words can put a damper on ones New years spirit. Mind you i'm sure that my new years will still be fantastic but not in the same way that it could have been before I got said phone call. Now for those of you who don't know what i'm talking about all you need to do is ask. I'm not very shy about these things in the way that i feel some input is needed to help me decide what I should do. Keeping in mind that the decision is still ultimately mine.

That having been said I have been a little off all day. Most of the time I am indeed fine but there are those moments like now when I look around my kitchen full of happy people who have been together for a long time and wonder when that will happen to me. Although for myself a month and a half with out any problems or anything is suprising even for myself.

In the end I will most likely do one of two things... Talk to him about it like I really should, and see how I feel after said converstation. Or possibly two, which would be to just end it saying that even though I still like him we are just to different for anything to work past this point. Either way I'm going to suck it up, put it to the back of my mind for now and just try my best to enjoy the night and not focus on how when that midnight strikes I'll have no one to kiss. That is unless Kate, or Sara would do the honor as per usual.

What a wonderful caricature of intamacy

Updated.

Welp I figured it was a good time for a new post. Not that it's going to be very intersting at all but thats okay! So considering Christmas just finished and New years is coming on very shortly I am definatly quite excited. Mainly because I know that it is at least going to be interesting. WHY? Because it always is.

New years for me at least has been an awesome time, and when it's not it's at least entertaining. I'm either playing video games all night, having an awesome time with my friends or... well... being hip checked into a door knob and leaving a large dent in the wall... Which is still actually there if you would care to look. Right behind the basement door. Props to Hermansen for that one. lol

To start off the New years festivities I've been going out. It started Wednesday with Michelle G and Sara. We went to JT's lounge and had some wings n such then it was off to the OD for some drunken dancing/stripping (I was wearing another shirt underneath!). Thursday was the Branch. Mind you I did get rather tired fairly quickly but thats okay it was an awesome time nun the less. Happy Birthday to Buttons for turning 21, and finally getting a cell phone. Finally believe that tonight is supposed to be the Scuz. We shall see if it measures up to last week.

Just a little filler for the Scuz, last week we saw Summer and a Kat, then after work Jackie came and then Elise showed up. It was just an awesome kinda night. Where you look down and see that it's 1:30am and well you've been there since like 10pm. Just awesome.

Well you're so damn hott!

Be strong

This was intended to be something else that just changed into a few clips of songs that kinda stood out to me. enjoy.

*

"Whatever happened to our inner glow? Whatever happened to the song, the soul, the me i used to know? Whatever happened to my radio? Whatever happened to my song? "

Inner Glow -Blue October

*

"I freaked out, thinking people didn't love me. I watched closely as the you I knew forgot me. In letting go, I am so proud of what I've done."

"In the day by day collision called the art of growing up. There's an innocence we look for in the stars, to be taken back to younger days. When there was no giving up on the people we held closest to our hearts"

Razorblade -Blue October

*

"Just a list of things that I should know everyone should know:

1. You gotta take it kinda slowly

2. you gotta hurry up and make your move

3. You gotta tell her how you feel

4. You gotta be the perfect gentelman.

When you shake the wall, you gotta make it bend. You gotta show her that she's the balance beam and I keep falling all around her fairy tale."

Fairy Tale -Blue October

*

"I deal with the fact that I've forgiven the worst. I feel that my social behavior may seem somewhat unrehearsed. Another page. A sullen rage, and I'll be back to my normal self. I'm finally happy. Happy. Independantly happy."

Independantly Happy -Blue October

*

"You oughta hear the things I’ve been thinking. You oughta swim in a heart that is sinking. You try to break me with all the things you say: 'Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway' "

Miss halfway - Anya Marina

*

"I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent. I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense, yeah. Let me in,Let me in to the club. 'Cause I wanna belong, and I need to get strong, and if memory serves. I'm addicted to words and they're useless."

*

"Let's get fucked up and die. For the last time with feeling, we'll try not to smile. As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the night. That’s no shock and surprise. I believe that I can overcome this and beat everything in the end. But I choose to abuse for the time being. Maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die."

Lets get fucked up and die -Motion City Sountrack

*

"Satisfy myself. Avoid beginners, Who long to shut my mouth till I take one of them home. 'Cause I know how it feels filling in the blanks. Looking on the bright side, when there is no bright side. Cumming in your pants for the off chance with a... poster of a girl"

Poster of a girl -Metric

*

"I gotta let you know I'll always stand strong because the lessons that I learned at home. My momma told me, 'baby hold your own' and I appreciate the love you gave becuase it taught me how to walk this way, talk this way, never be afraid."

Feelin' fine (remix) -Classified feat Jordan Croucher & Jay Bizzy

*

"So since I’m not your everything, how about I'll be nothing. Nothing at all to you. Baby I won't shead a tear for you. I won't lose a wink of sleep, 'cause the truth of the matter is... Replacing you is so easy"

Irreplaceable -Beyonce

*

"Hey, hang your red gloves up. 'Cause there's nothing left to prove now. Hey, hang your red gloves up. Baby, no one cares but you. What planet are you from? Accuse me of things that I've never done. Listen to you carrying on..."

L.A. Ex -Rachel Stevens

*

Life's a trip...

Scuz-ing it up baby!

Okay. so I just had one of those nights where it was just plain great. Nothing bad happens on those nights. You know what I'm talking about. The nights where you go out with you and your friend, find more people you know as the night goes on and the next thing you know it's like 2am and your still ready for more.

I love these nights. They seem to happen on random friday's at the scuz or when the scuz is involved. You know how you can go to some bars such as the OverDrive, or the double duece and they never seem to be any fun for you? Except on those rare occations when they randomly are. Then you hit somewhere like the Long Branch, The Hoze and Hydrant, or The Scuz and everything is awesome. Mind you that could be because of the people. Mostly I just think it's the places in general.

The Pat is to...grubby I suppose is the word I'm looking for. The OverDrive (tho I do enjoy to go there from time to time) is to wanna be gangster/I'm creepy and going to hit on anything that moves. The Duece plain and simple TO SMALL! Now mind you haven't been to all of the Bar/Nightclubs/Lounges but I've been to my fair share and well you always have your favorites.

Some how when your at one of those places you love to go to even if it's only like once every two months or something along those lines, it rocks. You dance the night away with the poeple you came with, avoid the ones that you dance with/make-out with when you were single and just have a good time seeing all the people that you usually don't ever see... I had one of those nights tonight. I loved it.

It was a one night Extravagansa!

Random Freak out?

So I'm sitting at work, drawing on my arm because I was in "training" all day at work. (Training = It's slow, and we need people off of the phones. So you sit there...) When all of a sudden this feeling of complete horror washed over me. My stomac tightened, I got all flushed, couldn't concentrate on anything. Why it happend? I have no idea. It was random, and unexpected. Maybe something really has happened that I haven't found out about, or something will happen.

After the feeling had passed I thought of something. Today, December 15 is Mike's and I one month. Now this is actually a big deal for me mainly because no one ever lasts this long. I think I freaked out a little because of it. At least that's what I'm hoping it is. I'm definatly still trying to figure out exactly what caused it because I would like to know. Needless to say I'm still a little freaked out about it.

My cure for it? Kicking off from work about 2 hours from work early and listen to Christmas Carols. They always make me feel better. That and Junk food, but that might be skipped so I can work on stripping the wall paper off of my walls. Yes I'm taking down the little pink hearted wallpaper that's been in my room for the last what 5 or 6 years. I know it's a little belated but better late than never.

What's a Partridge, and what's a pear tree? Well I don't know so please don't ask me, but I can bet those are terrible gifts to get...

It's Christmas time again

Seeing as how everyone else has started in whit their christmas posts I figured I would title one and then just make it like all of the others. KIDDING! Oh and Alexander. Christmas time starts on December 1st. non of this December 20th stuff. Mostly thats just cause it's the Chtristmas month.

Really what I wanted to blog about was my work. Now most of you know what I do. I take reservation from around the world, mostly from the United States though. ANYWAYS what my topic really is, is how do you know what to say to some one who you are on the phone with and don't know what they celebrate. Mind you most people do say "Merry Christmas" but what about those who don't. Even worse (in my eyes) those who don't celebrate anything at all.

Now all of this just takes me back to high school when I think it was Kayla who say "Merry Something! and a Happy Whatever!" How appropriate. Mind you I think they would get mad at me for saying it at work, but in my own defence I could claim I didn't want to offend anyone. Mostly I think people would just get a kick out of it.

Back to the topic before I have no problem saying these things when they are said to me first but for me personally I love the holidays (minus the snow and extreme cold most of the time) but really I do enjoy them. The songs, Eggnog, Christmas trees, all of it. Mostly just the spending time with every one.

I'm offering this simple phrase to kids from 1 to 92, although it's been said many times, many ways. Merry Christmas to you....

Never Take Friendship Personal.

So here I sit after another good night out. On the way home from dropping off Sara, I was listening to a song by Anberlin called 'Never Take Friendship Personal'. This got me to thinking. It's actually kind of true. I mean honestly we take everything in a friendship personal. Mind you that is kind of the point, but mostly just lately with everything that's happened within the last few months... We take things that don't involve us and make them personal because we have friendships with each of the parties. Why?

That simple question could have a million answers. It could be because we care about everyone involved and want to see everything work out. Possibly because we feel we need to help them resolve the issue so that nothing more becomes of what has already happened. Crazy talk.

Personaly I'm all about helping my friends out but when it comes to the point where I have to choose between these things, or anythings along those lines I think it is just crazy talk. Now think what you want but for me I think that if it doesn't really involve you then stay out of it. Now you can think what you want and definatly have your own opinion and what not but does every one else really need to know? Or even better do you need to add to what's happening?

Now this could just be the ramblings of a person who definatly had to much to drink last night, or even some one who is overtired. Mostly I think it was just that the song hit a thought and I figured it should be shared with those who actually read this. (I know there aren't many) That being said I'm going to continue listening to my christmas techno, yes that's right. Christmas TECHNO! Then when I'm done with that I'm going to crash, and it is definatly going to be glorious.

Never take friendship personal. If you can't hold yourself together why should I hold you now?

Make You Smile...

The last time I saw you, you turned away

I couldn't see you with the Sun shining in my eyes

I said "Hello" but you kept on walking

I'm going deaf from the sound of the freeway

*

The Last time I saw you, you turned away

I couldn't hear you with your voice ringing in my ears

Do you remember where we used to sleep at night

I couldn't feel you, your always so far away

*

The first time I saw you, you turned away

I couldn't see you with the smoke getting in my eyes

I said "Hello" but you kept on walking

I'm going deaf from the sound of the DJ

*

The first time I saw you, you turned away

I couldn't hear with the noise ringing in my ears

Do you remember where we used to sleep at night

I couldn't feel you, your always so far away

*

I don't, don't wanna take you home

Please don't, don't make me sleep alone

If I could, I'd only want to make you smile

If you would stay with me a while

*

The next time I see you, you'll turn away

I'll say "Hello" but you'll keep on walking

The next time you see me, I'll turn away

Do you remember where we used to sleep at night,

I couldn't feel you, you're always so far away

*

I don't, don't wanna take you home

Please don't, don't make me sleep alone I

f I could, I'd only want to make you smile

If you would stay with me a while

*

I don't, don't wanna take you home

Please don't, don't make me sleep alone

If I could, I'd only want to make you smile

If you would stay with me a while

*

+44

Oddly Optimistic

I did an odd thing today... Well more odd than usuall for myself anyway. While I was talking to Sara trying to get her to tell me what kind of coffee she wanted, I started talking to Graham Martin. Yes the same Graham mentioned in my previous posts. Why? I have no freakin clue, but it was definatly good. Mind you I suppose that would be because we always just sort of 'clicked' but still it was suprisingly easy considering he crapped all over my fellings.
*
Now don't get me wrong I'm still evil about it because I asked him why he wasn't having a good week or anything. Mainly because I'm in such a good mood this evening ( a thank you to Christmas Music). It seemed like the center of his problems were his work truck not starting, and his girlfriend I'm assuming. Now before I went on to ask him about these problems me being the person I am... Mentioned I loved my car because it always starts, and that I was happy with who I have around me and don't have any problems. Tee... Hee... Take that!!

*

Now after that was all said and done I suppose we just fell into the grove we once had. With out the flirting or anything like that. In two simple words, I Refuse. It's just that simple. Mind you I do understand that people who break up can get back together after time and be happy after they have experienced a few things and grown up and matured. Realisticly these things don' t happen very often and well I'm okay with just being friends. I like having friends.

*

That also being said I suppose I just forgive people easily. Now forgiving doesn't always mean forgetting, and depending on what I have to forgive I may never. But I really see no real reason in wasting time hating, or holding a grudge with some one when really it's over and done with leave it in the past. Mind you it's not like I'm going to start confiding in these people or ever fully trusting them with anything, but I do hold hope for the future...

*

I've got rhythm, I've got music, I've got my man... Who could ask for anything more?

Here I go again.

Ever have one of those days where everything goes right and nothing can take the smile off of your face? I love those days. Almost seems like nothing can touch you and you're invincible. I had one of those days. Best day ever. It started after I answered a text on my phone. Then it was off to watch cartoons, and Alfie at Mike's. Then I came home to shower and go shopping with the mom. Mind you it wasn't the kinda shopping I wanted but still it was a pretty awesome time.

The shopping was precided with watching of the TV, and eating of the chinese food. ORGASMIC! haha... Then randomly after Brent and Matty left for the 3 Days Grace, Theory of a Dead Man, and Mobile concert Brent called me. I was like "wtf mate?" apparently the girl they were going with (total nut case) her sister bailed on her and Brent asked if I wanted to go... FUCKIN RIGHTS I DID! I love my brother. Even if he is an asshole somtimes. ANYWAYS! The concert kinda sucked while mobile was on stage, got a little bit better with Theory of a Dead Man, and kicked total ass with 3Days Grace! I LOVED IT! Knew basically every song they played and definatly rocked out with the drum solo on the little intermission that they had.

And now I'm just sitting here waiting for Mike to come over because he said he would and well it just seems like a good ending to an even better day. I love days like today, where nothing goes wrong and you just feel like you're on cloud nine. Hell I am on cloud 9 and I"m definatly loving every minute of it. Every one definatly has days like today even if you don't want to say it. You all know what I'm talking about.

Over and over, I try not to...

Louis Tuesday!

Oh BOY! haha. Don't ask questions. But ya lately has been good. For those of you who don't know (most of you do know/ could have guessed) Morgan is out. Now I know this is bad because it's the second time BUT I actually have a reason this time and it's not just "I don't wanna any more". No, no, no. This time it's the fact that I can't actually talk to the boy. Plain, simple but definatly a very large part of seeing some one.

*

Any ways Last night (Tuesday) was definatly a really good night for me. I went to Sara's and then it was off to the university to see Riley's hockey game. That was a pretty good time dacing around listening to Justin Timberlake, yelling at the team (3 guys from PA), and the random phone calls. Mainly from me. I felt like talking to some one so I called Arlen... But he didn't answer because he was in a movie. Then I called Mike and talked to him for a little while, and Sara talked to him for a little while.
*

After the game we went back to Louis (we were definatly there before the game) and Mike and a few of his friends decided they would come. This was AFTER Katherine and Sara left unfortunatly. Then I got drunk. Honestly I didn't even plan or want to but it was that whole "I don't have to go to work tomorrow, and it's only one more" kinda deal. Stupid me. Then after Loui's decided that they weren't serving any more Mike, his friends, and myself decided to go somewhere else... I tried driving. Made it to Circle drive and then stopped in the middle of the road ( there definatly wasn't any other cars around ) and make Mike drive.

*

We ended up at Mike's house, watched some TV, did a little talking n such and well... I didn't get home till around 8am this morning. Nothing happened. I fell asleep for a little while I think. Either that or he's just rediculously easy for me to talk to and well time flys. Even though I got basically no sleep I'm okay with that. I enjoyed myself.

*

Can't nobody do it like you, said every little thing you do, said it stays on my mind.

This is what happens when I work nights.

As I sit here listening to my random Justin Timberlake (thats right!! I LISTEN TO JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!) I got to thinking about the last few days. Or really just last night and today to be exact. Nothing overly special happened, but nothing overly boring.

Last night (Friday night) was a night of coffee, playing Wed, Bed, or Dead while picking people from my old year books. That was hilarious (Ps. Jordan I have your jacket right now) Then every one really got tired and just wanted to leave, but that was around 1ish I think. So then me and Sara decided to go to the Scuz because Brent, Matty, Sean, Graham, and Rhett had gone. Mainly I just wanted to go because I told them I would drive them home if they needed it, and would have ended up going there later any way. So after saving Brent from the "walking STD store", dancing with Buttons, and giving this guy Mike my number because he knew "The Twins" (Arlen, and Aaron) I came home, drove Matty home, and Crashed.

Today was a little less exciting. I got up, worked on the card I'd been working on for a guy I work for (Death in the family) and went shopping with Sara. Who knew that Lulu Lemon could have such nice pants... THAT WOULDN"T HAVE MY SIZE! friggen Those people should have more stock is what I say, because those pants were amazing. Now I know what you are all thinking and no they weren't just their normal kinda pants they have there. I wanted them even if they were like 100 and something. ANYWAYS! I went to work, and only really worked for about half my shift. After that it was "training" basically they just wanted to take people off the phones because we were already waiting like 20 min between calls. So for the last like hour and a half I was listening to my iPod, and playing on my gameboy.

The only really exciting thing that happened tonight while I was at work was that Mike actually called. You know how you expect some one to call and they never do? I was almost thinking he might do that. Now he did invite me to come out after I was done work at 1am but I defiantly didn't feel up to going. One: I just finished 'work'... Two: I definatly DIDN"T shower today. lol Now i know thats kinda gross but I did shower last night so whatever... and Three: I would probably only know like... Him. Really I didn't feel like going through that toinght. So I definatly just called him and told him we would hang out another time. That is my story. OHHHH!!!

K. Thursday after I was rediculously drunk I started hitting on this Curtis guy. (no not my brother) but then he came to the Scuz after I got there and came up and started talking to me. Thankfully Matty was sitting right beside me and definatly realized who he was cause I was telling him about Curtis earlier and well right after they shook hands Matty put his hand on my leg. Now Curtis noticed and kinda walked away proceeding to text me how i was loosing a good thing when i blew him off. Really why are guys so full of themselfs sometimes? Mind you girls are the same way but why? I don't really understand why when some one says that they aren't interested in you that you feel the need to go on a rant. It doesn't matter if it's a phone call, an e-mail, or some crazy texting thing. GET OVER IT! gosh. You obviously will move on and find some one else, why drag out what just happened with some one you don't even know? The only thing I can come up with is to repair your damaged ego, that really wasn't all that damaged to begin with. Stupid people. Okay... I'm done now... :D

The record won't stop skipping, and the lies just won't stop slipping...

Just cause I could.

I know it's been a while... But i've been buzy not doing things. Which is almost a complete lie. I've been going out, for coffee, went to the OD wednesday, the Branch thursday. Definatly got drunk with out meaning to on Thursday. Thats what I get for making friends with a guy who's friends are buying a bunch of shots and knowing the shooter girl who is selling them... OH WELL! But yes. I have thoughts. not. haha.

Anyways. I'm just going to ramble on about nothing really just because I need to decompress otherwise I could explode. I know we wouldn't want that. Well I wouldn't. Things are good, for the most part. I dislike the amount of snow on the ground. But you all know I don't like snow unless I'm snowboarding, or doing something almost as rediculous. Really though have you noticed that? Whenever it snows or rains or anything else other that sunshine people drive like fucktards. Mind you I understand that they are being cautious but at the same time FUCK OFF!! UHG!!!

Now see that right there is how I've been all week. I can be happy one minute and fuming with anger the next. Almost like flipping on a light switch. Why that is I have no idea, and really don't care either. The people who piss me off don't matter, and the poeple who matter... Well they still piss me off just not nearly as much if at all. So naturally I'll deal with it and get over myself if you're important. Most are not.

In the boy department... I'm just not going to get into that because well I don't even know what the fuck is going on. I don't. I've already got enought drama in that department and I'm not even technically seeing any one! AHH! I'm going to become a nun... But we all know how well that would work out. Not well at all. I would last about 3 seconds then some guy would walk by or something and I would totaly just walk after him. But seriously my love life hates me.

If ya got a man, try and leave him if ya can

Michelle-a-licious

Okay... Where the hell do people come up with their ideas for songs? Really some are amazingly good. But then you get randoms like Brittany and crap who just sing stuff like "Pass me my guitar so I can look like a star" Please tell me she got hit by a bus and died. Where is all of this coming from you ask? Well I'm actually Sitting here listening to Fergie's new song Fergalisious... Well that and L0ndon Bridges. Don't get me wrong I like the songs to dance to. Aside from that who honestly makes a song about themselfs?

Do I walk around going Michelle-a-licious? No. Mind you I could but then the nice men in the white coats and padded rooms would have to take me away for ever. So why do we let these people do what they want? HELL IF I KNOW! It's like saying Paris Hilton is a singer. No she's not. Just like Sara said last night, the only thing her music says is what she's good at. Being a slut, stradaling things, and seducing little boys. So really she's just a pedafile with money. stupid hooker.

Okay... I'm done. Sometimes I think we need blunt assholes to get a hold of their dicks and finally say "no" to all of the crap that's everywhere... Life would be better.

All those mother fuckers he runs with, the kids that he signed... Rediculous!

P.s
I'm actually in a good mood today I just needed something to do and this was it.

The friday that was all about "the Gabe"

So tonight was definatly the best day I've had in a while. Mainly because it really started when I finished work at about 1:30pm. Then It was off to Sara's to really just bond in the way that we do while making "The Gabe" present. I loved it. All of it. The shirt, the "gabe-isms" absolutly amazing. Oh man the subway was really good to, it's just been so long since I've had one of their sandwiches and just been thinking "this is going to be sooooo good..." honestly just wanted it that badly once you see it being made and getting all wrapped up. I just wanted to jump over the counter tackle the guy making it and eat it right there... Okay. Maybe not THAT badly.

But while eating the Subs we watched the classic Bugs Bunny cartoons. Those make my life all the time becuase you get those freakin cartoons where everthing is messed and it's all about some stupid thing that has to do with space and super this and fantasic that. What honestly happened to the time where it was a bald guy with a gun chasing a freaking normal rabbit. BUT! back to the point. It was awesome.

So after wrapping up "the gift" hah... We had to head to Safeway to get some muchies for the partay. We ended up bringing spinach dip and bread. It was a total success by the way, and definatly got a lot of Crystal light singles, and were just having our own little juice party while we were there.

But after all of the tango, the cha-cha, the rumba, the waltz, the polka, the two-step, all of the dancing in general it was a fantastic night. Honestly I haven't had a night like that in a loooong time where you're just somewhere doing nothing in particular but you all want to be there doing it. I miss those days really.

So naturally first to arrive and last to leave as Sara said we helped clean up and just really stayed and talked for a while with Gabe, and watched some funny stuff. Lee Evans. If you haven't seen anything by him I definalty suggest you do so. He's a British comedian and totaly funny. After Gabe started falling asleep on the couch watching it, it was home time. That is why I am sitting here now... Because I dropped off Sara and no one else is home. So soon I will go to bed but I felt I needed to get this on here while it was still fresh.

The time we've lost can't get back

It was a one night Extravagansa!

My weekend... Was definatly odd, but in that good sort of way. Friday I went on a pub crawl with Sara, Brent, Curt, Curt, Matty, Jessica, Lessley, Michelle... There was just a lot of people. lol. Now this was after 3 costume changes that I decided to be a pirate, and Sara after no costume changes was definatly a greek goddess. Then it was off to JT's. Where it was time to eat something at least... not much, but definatly something. From JT's Matty and Jessica left us. This was at like 9pm. I so made fun of him for being old, cause 22 is really old right? anyways

Then the next bar was The Scuz. When we got there who should be randomly standing outside the door but Morgan. I wanted to stay and talk but Sara wouldn't let me for 2 reasons... One! We had to go dancing, and Two! we had to go dancing. lol really she just didn't want me to hit on him. At that time worked because I couldn't find him again after that. But that was okay because drinks were downed and it was definatly one of those I'm dancing and drinking and don't care about anything else kinda times. On the way out we definalty saw Sarah, Carrie, and Phil. Two hookers and a preist... Only Phil would do that.

The next bar after that was definatly the Hose! Man I love that place. Mainly just because the entire top floor is the dance floor. More drinks were had, and Sara started to get drunk. Now Sara definatly said that she wasn't getting drunk that night. It was a complete lie. She got really, really drunk. Then Greg showed up! With the random dancing with Mr. Pozniak and Curtis Hermanson it was just a good time aswell, because well... I hadn't seen Greg since the summer and well since he is basically like my brother it was definatly good to see him agian. That and the next time I do he'll probably be laughing while giving me some sort of stupid ticket because he can...

Finally we made it back to the OD! Where we tried to get Tone (Said like Tony) to let us in the side door but he just laughed and told us to go in the front. So we did! Now there at the OD was Morgan. I swear that boy was stalking me, but not really. So me being in the drunken state I was in didn't notice that I had dropped my cell phone. Really I wasn't worried because I was drunk as a mo fo. Actually I definatly thought it was really kinda funny... At the time. But I did get it back because the bouncer for the pub crawl found it on the bus. BUT! back to the story. Now since Sara was drunk, and Morgan was there. I started hitting on him. Now this may not have been the best thing because well I did go out with him before... But I'm pretty sure I was just being myself and a bitch all at the same time when I did go out with him so (I was thinking about this while I was sober) But I definatly felt bad even when I was drunk when he brought it up. So naturally I gave him a ride to his car... After more dancing and everything. Well actually my mom gave him the ride.

Then Borah, Sara and I went to McDicks, had our junk food and I watched Thumbalina... Thats right! I watched Thumbalina till the room stopped spinning and went to bed. Mainly I just needed to get some water in my system and wait till the room stopped spinning. I think some where between dropping Sara off and getting into bed Katie called. But I don't really remember that much.

Baby not the usual, tonight we gettin' unpredictable!

Updated Update

Alright... So today being Thursday it's naturally Branch night. I'm pumped and definatly won't stay long. why you ask? One because I'm going with Gabe who always makes me tired from dancing, and Two because I figure if I get really tired and just pass out then I don't have to deal with the though of Graham. At all. That or I'll just talk to Rob (I met him at the OD like a buzzilion months ago. But really just like 2) till around 1am again THEN pass out.

*

But!! Enough about that. Lets talk about last night. It was, in just one word, amazing. Katie was the all time best cock block ever, Jackie was forced to dance with us or we would make random dancing moves at her just to be stupid, and it was just good.

*

I missed strutting around like I own the place and paying attention to all of the people around me like I used to. Now mind you I didn't make out with any one last night but I can always fix that on the weekend and you should all be proud that I have a "date" this sunday.

*

Thats right. I said it... A "date". Now I should really explain this. The Rob guy that I've been talking to decided we needed to hang out (I apparently had no choice in the matter) and that I think if I remember right we are going to see the Jackass 2 movie. I can live with that, meet him there, watch the movie, go home, go to bed. Sounds good to me!

*

On a side note I've decided that Sin Wagon by the Dixie Chicks is the best song for me ever. Now for those of who don't know the song and don't care to listen because IT IS COUNTRY. here are the lyrics.

He pushed me 'round now I'm drawin' the line

He lived his life now I'm gonna go live mine

I'm sick on wastin' my time

Well now I've been good for way too long

Found my red dress and I'm gonna throw it on

'Bout to get too far gone

*

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition

Need a little bit more of my tweleve ounce nutrition

One more helpin' of what I've been havin'

I'm takin' my turn on the sin wagon

*

On a mission to make something happen

Feel like Delilah lookin' for Samson

Do a little mattress dancin'

That's right I said mattress dancin'

*

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition

Need a little bit more of what I've been missin'

I don't know where I'll be crashin'

But I'm arrivin' on a sin wagon

*

When it's my turn to march up to old glory

I'm gonna have one hell of a story

That's if he forgives me

Oh, lord please forgive me

*

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition

Need a little bit more of that sweet salvation

They may take mewith my feet draggin'

But I'll fly away on a sin wagon

I'll fly away on a sin wagon

Beautiful not just for show...

Wow... that was... Oddly sort of expected.

HOKAY! SO! lol you should all know right from the start I am in such a happy mood and it really doesn't make sense. I'll share why! :D So i suppose it all really started with saturday night. That was amazingly amazing (you should all go read it if you haven't "Pat-urday" ) anyways. I omitted a few things that I wasn't at the moment proud of. But right now in light of a few things am damned proud of. Mainly the fact that I made out with a totaly hot guy i've had a thing for, for a while now. ANYWAYS!

Just so you all know Graham and I are done. Over, finished... You get the idea. HERE"S WHY! He... about a week and a half ago... Started going out with his Ex. Now mind you she didn't know for sure about him and I but thought that we were a little more that friends as he said. Jackass. any ways. Right now as I'm typing this I'm definatly letting him have it. Now mind you I'll still talk to him and everything because i'm not really THAT evil. Though he really deserves it.

So now I was honestly going to stay home and be all sad and shit. Boy am I glad I went over to Jackies for that Shrimp night. Best thing of my life. Honeslty. I'm in love with that stuff, that and the fact that i would probably barf if I ever saw food again. But I love it. Being around those guys was definatly what I needed tonight. Note to self and everyone else. When going through a rough time. Eat shrip, Pie, and Icecream till you can't eat anything else, add some music, dancing, and back rubs and you've got yourself a sure cure for the blues!!!

I wanna shout out! Take me away!

It needed to be said

Okay... So this is kind of random but I think I just need to get it off of my chest. I know I've told you that things with my personal life (Not with you guys, but one individual. Most of you should know who I'm talking about.) but thinking things over today because I had nothing better to do I started to wonder if they really were... So since he stopped hiding from the world things have been a little differnent. I haven't even talked to him since I think it's been a week and a half. Which by my standards is definatly time for a new person in my life.

Now that being said I don't know if i want a new person in my life. I think I just want that one, but if he doesn't talk to me then really what is the point? Now this all really started last night when I was drunk-ish and sitting on Tim's kitchen floor and I sent him a text to which he never replied. So naturally when 2am rolled around I started wondering if he was hiding from the world again. If he did that AGAIN I'm done. I really don't want to be but I can only take so much.

Now thats a little bit of my usual self coming through. I guess you could say I get bored really easy but I think that I've changed a little bit in the last month and a half. Call it the new Michelle in the relationship department. I certainly had a lot of fun having a new boy every week or so, but lately I've decided it's really nice to have the same one to. On that note I'm also kind of jealous of those of you who do have that and at the same time I'm glad I did things the way I did.

Anyways back to the topic at hand. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Even though waiting is definatly not something I do well when it comes to this particular person but I certainly need to do this just to see if I can. Then tomorrow I can decide what I want to do with him. Is he worth me waiting for or am I just attached to some one who really isn't worth waiting for...

To dark to see tomorrow, These dark clouds are hangin' all around me

Pat-urday!

alright. so. last night was amazingly amazing. Why? i have no idea. well. i have a little bit of an idea so i guess i should explain. the night started off with Michelle G and Mary coming to get me and all 3 of us going to Tims house. Thats where the drinking began. I was pretty trashed by the time we actually left Tims to go to the Pat.

*

So in the car was Tim, myself, Zennan, Mary, Michelle G, and Kyle. when we got there we basically walked in and it was a good time right form the get go. Saw a bunch of people I knew, my cousin April, Curts friends like Kish, Steve G and Joel were there, and Damon saw him again. Then there was just a little more drinking. Honesly. I only had 2 shots, and 2 Rye n Coke. Shocking I know. But i was already drunk and just needed to keep the buzz up so that's what I did. Along with a lot of dancing, and just randomly hitting on guys but never stopping to talk at all. So really it was the obvious look up and down, make eye contact, smile, and move on. Really it was just one of those nights where I felt and looked good and made the night about it.

*

The ride home was really good to. cause Tims car was cold and we started talking with these random guys who turned out to be parked beside us. We were also making random hand prints on peoples cars just for kicks. So after laughing more and just being drunk we were finaly at Mary's house. We said our good-bye's, and Zennan and Kyle were goofing around on Mary's front lawn so we finally just went inside.

*

After getting into our pj's and all of us of course needed our phones. I didn't need mine at all really I just wanted to feel important so i took it lol. Then after we all said good-night to Kyle cause he called Mary. mostly it was Mary and him talking and Michelle G and I were just being silly. We all curled up in the King size bed that used to be Hailey's and just went to sleep. We all got woken up a little while later by Michelle G's phone going off but I didn't really notice. The next thing I knew it was 9am and we were leaving to get Mary's car and take me home...

*

I'm bringin sexy back! yeah!

Random Wednesday Afternoon

You know those days where you just want to go home and hide from the world? I had of of those today. Almost. I definatly kicked off from work early and came home. Since no one was home I did something I haven't done in a very long time. Went for a walk. It was the most glorious thing I've done in months. Mind you it was almost cold so I did wear a jacket and gloves but other than that it was amazing. I needed to just be, not have to worry about anything and just walk.

Well after my walk I was in such a good mood I decided I needed new shoes. Mainly because of when I was walking my old ones were killing my feet. So I bought two new pairs... and a hat. I almost went and got gel nails but decided against it because I don't really have the money for them right now. So I figure if i really want them I can wait till next month or something and get them. Everything good is definatly worth waiting for.

As far as later tonight goes. It should be a pimpin time. I'm so in the mood to just go out with the girls and have one hell of a time. That and the fact that I talked to Graham and everything is good now just makes the entire day that much better. Well that and the fact that Sara got an iPod. How that makes my day, I'm still working on that but I just decided it did.

From red lights and to midnights, Stars are lonely and bare!

P.s
I love you Kate. Even if you are Anti-social.

HA! what up yo?

OkaY! so i'm in a really funky mood... why you ask? well i guess i should share!

ONE!
Mainly because I went out with Sara and Mikey tonight. It's been a while since we've all just chilled together... Well... Spooned, watched movies, and had masages... while talking about recent events and well just being us. I missed it. A lot actually. But i was done tonight and it was amazingly amazing! HA!

TWO!
Work was actually pretty gosh darn good. it wasn't uber slow, but it wasn't uber buzy either. JUST RIGHT! hah. and well with Carrie, on one side and Michelle on the other side of me how can you go wrong? well... that and Carrie showed me the pictures from Phil-a-palooza on saturday which was definatly amazign! that was one of the best pub crawls i've been on in a while. YAY for Carrie and Phil!!

THREE!
I don't know what three really is. but i thought there should be 3... you know. like the three muscateer's. or a 3 some. it's just one of those numbers you need. with two it feels like your missing something. with three it's like 'ohhhh yeah!' but really I think 3 is about well. boys. or lack of them because something potentially tragic happened. well guess what. I get it. I do. really. More that you will ever know. (unless your Sara. She knows everything) But really. You can ignore every one else and hide if you want. but it really hurts myself because I don't get to see you. and that makes me sad. so i'll do what I need to do and what I need to do is talk to you. You know who you are...

They call me Mr. Boombastic!

That friday night.

Okay so last night was pretty good. I mean naturally it had it's not so good moments. It basically started after I got home from work when Kate asked if I wanted to go see "Man of the Year" and waited a good 20 min for our freaking food cause neither of us had eaten we got hot dogs. The ladie ahead of us had her pizza before the hot dogs. We all kinda got really mad at the guy making them and he put some more hussle into it. kinda funny to watch really. Anyways the movie was awesome and hilarious.

Then it was off to Sara's for a little bonding, drinking and getting ready for bowling. which went really well. there was lauging, pictures, drinking, dancing. just an all around good time. I even got a "new" pair of bowling shoes. (Thank you Dana!) So as to the plan I went with Sara to the OverDrive. Once there we went and found Mia, and even Kurt ( miss that boy). After saying Hi to our bouncer friends and Tony the hot dog guy. we were standing by Chase when Gerrit called. I guess he had gotten the wrong idea from Sara at bowling and her saying that she would get his V-card if she beat him. But kudo's to her for staying calm and talking to him about it quickly. Mia and myself both would have just hung up very early on in the conversation.

After that we went and talked to Tyler because well. he's funny and cute and Sara needed to calm down. True to form he did the job very well. How can you stay mad when some one litterally shakes there ass in your face from on top of a box? honestly? lol.

Personally I had my own moments where it was kinda odd. one. Todd, and Morgan were there. and yes I have dated them both. Todd I'm used to seeing and talking to a little, Morgan not so much... not that I really talked to him at all. but Todd was being very strange. Usually it's just "hey, whats up" and we move on... No this time he actually stopped and wanted to talk to me. I almost felt like an animal traped in a corner or something. That and the hugging. That was odd. I mean don't get me wrong, I hug all of my guy friends all the time. Thats just the way it goes, but this was kinda odd... I don't know how to explain it but it wasn't really comfortable for me.

Other than that it was a good night of non drinking and dancing in rediculous clothes. AKA bunny hugs because we were outside so much we just decided to keep them on. it was pretty funny the looks we got. But yep, after attacking some people we knew with Balloons like oh I don't know Brandon and his friends. and staying till close it was finaly time to go home at almost 3am. Then it was just time to crash and thats exactly what i did...

I'm sitting and sweating to a song on the joints P.A.

Decompression

So... It's the middle of the day and I've definatly shut myself into my computer room... Why you ask? I don't know really. I just put my iTunes on shuffle and went. I did some stuff to my Nex page, and this one aswell... well I guess you can see that. but really I've just been kinda thinking... But i'll back track a little to give some background.

Last night as I was laying in bed waiting for Graham to text me or call me while I was watching SATC (Sex and the City) any ways finally I just decided to go to sleep because well I always some how wake up whenever he does. When for everyone else I just keep on sleeping. So after about 10 min of me just laying there my phone goes off... It was Sara... Ohhh Madagascar. ANYWAYS. But then He sent one and told me that he was talking with his friend and he would call later... but morning comes, no call...

So i roll my ass outta bed and go for breakfast. after scraping my car off and getting there it was good. I was really really tired tho cause well... It was 7am. lol so I came home and had myself a good ol nap. I slept till about maybe 11? Then I got ready for lunch with Sara. After picking her up from the U of S we went to BP's and well I decided I would ask Graham how last night went since he never called. Turns out things didn't go so well and after I replied I put it to the back of my mind... sorta. actually I just started drinking. But in reality i only had one.

After lunch it was off to Alexander's house... why? I have no idea. but it was a good time nun the less. with all of the random shit that him and Jordan and Gerrit do... It was bound to be a good time. That and the fact that well we did have a drink with lunch that hit me harder than I thought it would. but definatly not drunk. not even close.

But yeah I came home cause well Sara had her rowing at 4 and I needed to be at home. to just think, and decompress. so here I am decompressing. about what? I'm not to sure. About what a good afternoon I had? or because of the fact that I want to know what happened last night with Graham but don't want to ask because in all honesty what would I say? How do you really expressin words when your instincts tell you to just hug them and let them talk. Maybe it's just that I hate the fact that he lives so far. or that I seem to be falling and I don't know what to do. Ususally I just run before this even happens or I figure out that it would never happen and move on anyways. "But it seems there's always somethin right there to remind me. Like a silly joke, or somethin on the t.v. Boy it aint easy" (P.S - Rihanna) I just don't know why the heck I had to go and do this with some one who actually lives like 10 hours away... I know I'll be okay, but it's just that odd day where something happens and I get slightly depressed. But fortunatly tonight I'm going to the OD with Sara because it's Spencer's 20th Birthday. That and I usually just listen to Go to sleep - Swollen Members. It makes me feel better.

We just met and I'm afraid one day I might lose you...

I'm sorry your royal Bar-ness.

So basically I've been having the best weekend i've had in a really really long time. Now usually you know how you have one good day and the rest are just kinda so so? well not this girlie. Alright so Friday I after work I just kinda lounged around helped my mom pack because they were going away for the weekend. Then I decided I needed food (and Curt called and i got him some to) then I went to pick up Katie because well we were supposed to be going to The Roxy on broadway to meet her new intrest Ash. Now I was the one who kinda introduced them but anyways after Ash was like an hour late of when he said he would be there i started getting really bored n wanted to go the Scuz well because thats where Kate, Sara, and Katherine were... But no. I waited with Katie for another like 45 min before I was like ... Eff this shit. Katie we are going. and well... she really was just all bummed that Ash had "ditched her" but well. I was kinda sick of hearing about it. I mean i love the girl to death but man can she complain about the same thing for hours then go "what should i do?" how the hell should i know? ANYWAYS! I took Katie back to the Roxy because she wasn't having any fun and apparently Ash had showed up like right after we left. But when I got back to the Scuz man was it a good night. A ton of people from MMGCI showed up and it was pretty amazing.

Saturday I did nothing as well... just kinda lounged around watched a bunch of movies that were on the Tv and got ready for the next night because well... It was Branch night. and it was awesome. lol mainly because of all of the good dancing but holy cow. anyways. Brandon's B-day pub crawl was there shortly after we arrived and he was tanked already it was great. I signed his shirt and gave him a birthday peck. and then basically went and danced up a storm with Gabe, Danny, Luke, Sara, Michelle G, Katherine, and Bre! it was basically the best ever. lol then there was the random Cowboy... Really cute, asked me to dance and was like "sure" well he couldn't really dance at all and it was rediculously hard to follow his ryhthm... anyways. after that i went back to Talk to Sara and Curt who had shown up some where in there from a wedding. (ps. he so wouldn't let me wear his tie. jerk. lol) and this random girl walks up and was like "hey i'm so n so and you were dancing with the random cowboy and he really likes you blah blah blah" i didnt' have the heart to tell her i was seeing some one. plus i was just planning on ignoring him the rest of the night. but finally Sara was like "i'm just going to go tell him" and she did... but oh man i was not expecting the answer she gave me. that guy had a g/f to. i was like "whaaaa?" Sara was like "wtf?" and we were all confused. but then whenever he came to talk to me after that i was bascially like "uh huh... yeah..." and would just walk away right when he was talking to me. I think he got the hint. anyways. after an interesting dance with Smella. only to be explained as... he would spin me out and go "YA!" in the cowboy kinda way. lol i was laughing so hard i could hardly dance. funniest think of my life. but then me and Sara had a picnic in her living room vented about a few things, and well it was off to home with me and bed for her. I came home to was SATC. and the crashed. and now here I am in my pj's.

Hold my beer! While I kiss your girlfriend!

Rant, Rave, and Vent... Ish..

Okay. so i've noticed either on MSN, or on here that the general feeling is that people are pissing other people off. well i'm definatly being pissed off by people. but really unlike everyone else it's mostly just at work. and sure i laugh and stuff but really i don't want to be there becuase of the mood i'm in. mainly because the first call of the day is usually some stupid ass hole with a conversation that goes like this.

"I need to cancel my reservation..."
m- "okay do you have the confirmation number?"
"no"
m- "may i get your last name please?"
"insert last name"
m- "and your date of arrival"
"um... the 18th i think... or it might be the 22nd..."
m - "alright, and which hotel was this at?"
"...i don't know. somewhere in southern California"

One... we have a buzzilion hotels in southern calafornia
and two... HOW DO YOU MAKE A RESERVATION AND NOT KNOW WHERE IT IS!?

oh yeah... and thats not including all the fun people who don't speak english... at least the people who speak Spanish know to ask if WE speak it. then we say NO and put them to people who can... GOSH! any ways...

I have become one of those people who... *gasp* rolls their change... i decided i would start with the pennies... theres $12... IN PENNIES! how does that happen? the nickles was another $20. i laughed pretty hard becuase i still have the quarters and dimes to do... but it really is a good savings plan. why? because well you don't want to use them because well you don't want to carry it around. it's even better if you work at a place where you get change as a tip. because then you can just put it straight into a jar (or in my case a Bacardi texas micky bottle) and well... just let it fill. i'm going to be seriously impressed if i have like $75... which i prolly will.

but other than that i've been staying home. a good savings program to! i realized how much i go out when i was called 3 times to go to the OverDrive on wednesday. honestly. My dad called. Katie called, and Spencer called. but no! I stayed home curled up with the wonderfulness of SATC and had a bubble bath. it was amazing. mind you i did have a mini melt down but i basically got over that.

now really i don't ever tell any one about my mini melt downs. i basically just keep them to myself and i'm good in like a half an hour. but then i started talking to Graham and well he picked up on the fact that i wasn't doing to stellar. but like i said i just needed to get some stuff off of my chest. and i was good. it was probably a really good thing that the stuff i needed to say involved him. and again with the talking. a couple cracks about him being my knight in shining aluminum... and it was off to bed so that i could go to the Branch with 16 loonies... that right... 16 Loonies!!

It's hot or cold... no in between.

Swollen Members!

Okay! SO!

tee hee. I'm still giggling from last night. okay. okay. So last night was the Swollen Members concert at The Roxy. So I went with Katie and was sitting with some people I knew and well basically just waiting for the show to start. Then all of a sudden this random walks up and says "hey, wanna go on the tour bus?" of course you all know how much i like Swollen Members... Hell yes I went on that bus! Okay. so it's a little intimidating walking up to this Giant black bus. but i was definatly to excited to do anything BUT smile.

So i walk on the bus. First things i saw... TV, Mirror on the roof, with a rope light around it that changed color, a half naked Prevail (Very nice by the way) and Rob the Viking. yep. So there I am talking with Rob and drinking the Red Bull and Vodka he made for me (those get me really hyper FYI) basically just havin a jolly good time, when freaking Mad Child and Prevail come out from the back and i kid you not start doing something that looks a lot like the running man. funniest thing of my life.

But then the show started... ish. i went back inside before they got off the bus. ANYWAYS! I managed to get myself right up front on stage between a bunch of random people. then the show started. with all of the jumping and heat and everything (i know this is gross but kinda funny) I managed to sweat through my holter top and my zip up. lol but it was great because since i had met them on the bus they kept coming over and grabbing my hand and stuff right in front. lol all the people around me were like "wtf"

ANY WAYS! the show ended and well i went to go clean up in the bathroom but definatly got side tracked when I saw Prevail standing there signing something. lol so i did what i do best. bought him a shot and got a picture. he's amazingly nice. he was even helping Katie sell shots. lol it was awesome. But then i went and finaly cleaned up and agian some how managed to get back on the bus. (Oh P.S Rob the Viking has song A.D.D... )

but yeah after rocking out with they for a little while i decided it was time to head home. so i said Bye to Rob the Viking, after he tried to get me to stay. lol almost like he had a thing for me. but alas... he's just to short! lol! said good-bye to Katie, and Ash. got into my car cranked up the new Swollen Members album Black Magic, and rocked out all the way home.

To a perfect combination, once this passion is unleashed

Small update & Money vs. Memories.

Okay... so as you all may know i've been sucked into the wonderful world of Sex and the City (A.k.a. - SATC) i'm in love with it. it's amazing. even though i'm definatly just starting to watch all of the seasons (Which Kate wonderfully lent to me) I can't get enough. If i was at home right now i would not be on here. I would be in my room watching more of it. and I have one heck of a tight schedul... this is how it's going...

**Tonight i'm going out with supper with Katie before we go to the Swollen Members concert and taking her to work. It's going to be amazing!
** Every other day, I get to go to work, try and stay all day, fail miserably come home. and basically watch SATC. and talk to Graham...

the real only exception to that is that on wednesday's I go dancing with Katie, and Sara for a little while and Thursday's I go to the Long Branch.... thats it. that is my life right now. and you know what? I'm perfectly happy with it.

I know that there are a few things that maybe i shouldn't be doing... like oh i don't know... SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY!! lol but it's not that i'm going out all the time no. It's just little things. lunch here. a 2 hour long distance phone call on my cell phone... going to a concert. but hell i really don't care. I'm 19. and I'm very happy with the way things are going right now.

Any one can save and have a lot of money in they bank but can they say that they enjoyed every minute of the time that it was just sitting in the bank? I don't really think so. I would rather spend my money on making memories than on actual things because to me those memories are priceless. like all of the time that the girls and I spent in Sylvan Lake. i would do it all again even tho i'm still broke one month later.

Yep. thats my stance on the whole thing. i would rather be happy and broke that "rich" and miserable. mainly just because you guys rock. but hey. not everyone can have kick ass friends.

Thats all they really wannt... Is some fuuun!

What a Saturday night!

Okay so last night was definatly Mary's birthday bash! it was pretty amazing except for a few parts. lol it started pretty weird. so there i was almost at the Hose and well Mary called and asked where I was... lol Courtney had forgotten her ID at Mary's. so I did some pretty fancy driving and made it back to Mary's and then back to the Hose in about 25 min. so we get there and there was dancing and drinking... then they CLOSED! i know it was really weird. it was because they had no water or something. really weird.

so after that we slowly made our way over to Lydia's. basically across the street. and definatly got in for free. but then it was time to decide where to go next. The Pat was out of the question because it was already 10:30 and by the time we would have gotten there it would definatly be 11 and they we would have never gotten in... so then we were stuck between The Scuz, or the OD. well some people didn't want to go to the Scuz, and some didn't wanna go to the OD. it was a freaking Gong show. not even kidding. Mary was upset and sober which definatly should never happen on a 19th B-day and me and Katherine were like... "this sucks". so when we finally went to the OD it was good. we were drinking, and dancing and just doing random stuff. I went and saw Tony (the new hot dog guy) Chase, and Tyler was there to BUT! he wasn't working, and he just got back from Calgary. broke some guy's arm in a UFC competition. apparently it's going to be on TV next week. go Tyler! lol

Then around 2 we left to go get Courtney because she didn't come with us to the OD so it was off to get her, and that in it's self was a show. honestly. people who are drunk and in serious relationships shouldn't try and have a conversation when one is upset because the other is being dumb and drunk. anyways! by the time i got home and everything it was basically 3am. BUT! did i go t bed? NO! lol I stayed up and watched SATC (aka, Sex and the City) it's amazing. i'm in love with it. that and i was talking to Graham. but mostly just SATC. well that was till he called. then we talked for about half an hour and finaly went to bed around what... maybe 5am? or pretty close to it.

that was my night... full of dancing, getting twins mixed up. no really. lol a friend of mine has a twin brother. i definatly didn't know that. then coming home and seeing a sock... on a door knob... best part of the night right there. besides all of the other good stuff.

You look like you came to do one thing... set it off!

How messed up am I?

okay so here it is Saturday morning after a pretty good night, and I finaly realized just how messed up basically everything in my life is. lol not in a bad way it's just really effed.

okay so First we'll start with my family. we are what i like to call "socailly active"... and the meaning of that? well basically we all go out at least once a week if not more. my mom has gone out twice this week, my dad about three times i think... brent doesn't count because he only lives here on the weekends because he's working out of town but when he is home he goes out every night. that's at least three times. Curtis goes out every night technically because he hardly sleeps at home. (He basically lives at Tams) and me? well i've been trying to save money so this week it's only been Twice that i've gone out. which is pretty good. usually it's four or more in a week ( I start my week early.)

Second... we'll go with my working habits. those are really messed up. why? because i hardly work if i can help it. which really doesn't help with my spending habits. But! thats really okay becuase well soon enough i won't be able to take any Downtime (aka going home early and not getting paid) but i'm still considered full time... but really there was a cheque where i only worked about 36 hours... in two weeks... lol but then when it gets really buzy i'll always have to stay a full day and then i'll start taking overtime and working 6days a week to fund myself and all of the trips i'm going to be taking. ANYWAYS! whats really messed is that i did actually sign up for Over time on sunday... now what happpened to that was I found out that Swollen Members is coming to town on Sunday... now you see the problem. But they love me at work and well now i don't have Overtime on sunday...

Third... do i really have to get into my love life? you all know it's messed up. lol if i'm not switching guys every week well then i start a long distance relationship... we won't go into detail with that one. (p.s i'm okay with it)

Really i could almost go on forever with the fact that my life is messed up but i think you all get the idea. but hey! my life maybe messed up as a mo fo. but i'm happy with that. because well other wise things would get boring... and then i would have to curl up into a corner and die because well... i'd be bored.

I never asked for this life... but I screamed!

A yelling, sleep deprived, dancing, picnic of a weekend.

Okay... so this weekend was pretty killer... Friday was kinda laid back. Went to see Accepted with Sara, Gabe, and Rainnin (P.s that's most likely not how to spell his name) it was pretty awesome movie. i definatly liked it... maybe even enough to buy it. but yeah then we came back to my house to play some pool and watch some tv. then definatly as i was getting ready to go to bed Graham called. I just can't say no to talking to that boy. so i stayed up till about 3am? i think that was it.

Saturday was a little more... stress filled i guess you could say. I got to deal with the fuck heads and the Hyundi dealer ship... twice. gosh lucky me! first they leave me sitting there while i wait for them to cut the 2nd key for my car for like an hour and a half... it was only supposed to take a freakin half an hour. THEN i couldn't get any of the 3 keys that i have to open the drivers side door. so okay i come home and have some lunch and go back and they tell me it's not their fault that it's broken. so i kinda lost my temper a little and started bitching about how it worked this morning BEFORE i got the new key cut and all of a sudden i get it back and it doesn't work? well i guess he thought he could bullshit his way out of it cause i'm a teenager. fuck that shit. fuck it right now. i made that basterd fix my car. lol and i didn't have to pay either. turns out the cylinder for the lock just gets stuck sometimes but he could have just said that... stupid retard.

then it was on to babysitting. for Noah and Tristan. cute kids. and then it was off to babysitting for Lori. even cuter kids. lol i spent most of the time reading to Delaine cause she wanted me to and well Dawson and Evan just kinda watched Tv. aaaannnd then Sara decided she wanted to go dancing... lol so we went to the Pat. again it was a good time. it's been a while since i've just gone to the bar to go dancing. thats not the best part of the night tho... ohhh the best part was AFTER the Pat... we went to McDicks cause we were hungry. so then Sara decided we needed to have a picknic in the parking lot. best thing of my life! so there we sat with Gabe and Rainin just eating on the ground in the McDicks parking lot. man we got a lot of funny looks.

so then i was supposed to call Graham... but the silly kid passed out on me. lol so i watched Just my Luck. and well stayed up till about 3am doing it. but man it was a good time cause i got to sleep in today and it was just glorious. i'm tired right now but oddly satisfied with everything thing. I'm good with work (if i can ever work a full day that would be good) Sara and Kate (even tho i don't really see much of them) are good as well. I'm okay with not seeing them as often cause well these things happen. and well Graham even tho he's not here is definatly amazing. thats all i'm going to say thats it i'm out!

If what they say is true...You’re a boy - and I'm a girl...
I will never fall in love with you

Video - India Arie

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen

I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

When I look in the mirror the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know our creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes I'm lovin' what I see

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen

I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

Am I less of a lady If I don't wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows
But,I've drawn a conclusion,
It's all an illusion confusion's the name of the game
A misconception, avast deception Something's gotta change
Don't be offended this is all my opinion ain't nothing that I'm sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Free your mind, now's the time Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself 'Cause everything's gonna be all right

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen

I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always beIndia Arie

Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your Caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your crystal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of Crystal
Don't need your sillicone, I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen

I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

a recap of events?

alllrighty then! so i know i kinda vowed to not spend any money lately but that kinda went out of the window... why you ask? because i mentioned to my dad i wanted a car starter for around christmas time cause i don't have enough right now... what does he freaking do? makes me an apointment for like tuesday! fuck me sideways! ugh. so i say fuck-it-all. but yeah w/e i'm going to do what ever the hell i want for right now and he can kiss my lilly white ass.

any ways! it's been a pretty movie oriented time for the last few days... Sunday i went to the Covanent with Sara and Jamie. at the new Galaxy Theatre! that place is HUGE!! i freaking love it in there... i'm going to live in there like the phantom of the opera... or not.. ANYWAYS! the movie was pretty good made even better by the hott men in the movie. man i orgasmed like 10 times just watching it. (lol but not really) ANY WAYS! after that i got home and well didn't really wanna go to sleep so i stayed up till around... i think it was 2am that night talking to Graham.

Monday was pretty laid back as well. Sara and I went over to Derek and Lukes house to watch some movies and well that was just a random movie night so it was pretty good. i didn't really wanna do much that night anyways. so naturally i dropped sara off and then i went home and once again talked till around 2am with Graham (ps. that boy is way bad for my sleeping patern... lol!)

Tuesday... well that was just one hell of a night. It was Me, Sara, Kate, and Jamie. and we went to see Step Up... your classic Dance meets gangster movie. lol there is shooting of a kid, and then they all want to be better people in his memory... but the dancing was good and some pretty good looking guys in that one to. so naturally it was good. the ride home got even better... well after we dropped off Jamie, Sara decided she had to pee... really really bad. so Kate was most definatly trying to make it as rough for her as possible because well Sara kept screaming "do you want me to pee on your seat!?" funniest thing ever. then well after that i decided i needed to yell at some people walking. so we spotted a bunch of guys (kinda older) but it still worked cause well i just put on my sunglasses and yelled "WORKIN OR WALKING SWEETHEART!?" funniest thing ever... then it was home... to bed because i was tired...

but this week the majority of it has been pretty gosh darn good. with all the movies and the talking on the phone ( i don't really care how late it is or how much it costs) it's been amazingly good. and pretty random i might add. lol

Money can't buy me happiness but i'm happy so i can buy what i want!

Money? what's that?

so here i am... on a saturday night sitting by myself... why you ask? because well Sara is at work till around 10 ish. and i've been waiting for my friend Kayle to call. but thats not why i came on here... the reason? because it's been a while and i've been thinking. well... more analyzing myself like i tend to do on just such occations.

so lets see. i've just been thinking about my lifestyle and things. so what i do is i go to work (sometimes not even for a full 8 hours) and then i come home and more often than not i would have something to do and would end up going out and doing something that costs money. then i would come home and go to bed just to wake up the next morning to do it all again, and for what really? to go out and live life like the 19 year old i am? well a part of me is definatly liking it. and i really do enjoy the time i spend with my friends but why must i always spend so much money on it. i have no idea. i've been working for a year now and do you know how much money i have saved?? none. zero. nada. zip. zilch. and what do i have to show for it? my car and my phone. thats it. mind you i do have some killer memories but still what good are those when i want to move out? *sigh* so i've decided to stop going out so much. and well if i can't manage that to just freaking stop spending money. lol we'll see how long this lasts.

other than that all i have to say is that i'm content. i've got my amazingly amazing friends, i've got a good job that i may not love but certainly don't hate, and some sort of wierd long distance relationship. lol i'll go into specifics on a different entry but it's just good. because as you all know i tend to jump into things head first and well with this it's basically impossible. mind you i do miss the physical part of it i'm getting to know the other side of things. it's good. but i'm definatly having a good time going out with Sara and Kate and just doing whatever and not really thinking about anything.

p.s Happy belated birthday Jackie.

i'll be alright... and it's alright!

Just a little itty bitty.

Okay... so as many of you know last weekend was the weekend of Sylvan lake... and man it was freakin awesome, drinkin, awesome weather, and the hottest men you will ever see. i should have just strapped a bucket to me to catch all of the drool. okay... not only were they hott but they definatly had some sectacular vehiculars. lol.

aside from the fact that i'm definatly missing it life is pretty sweet, cept for the fact that i'm completely broke. not just i've got only like $100 in the bank... i'm talking full out i've got a total of like $17 in the bank right now. i think it's funny cause i'm so used to going out all the time and now i've got like 2 weeks where i can't do much of anything because it all costs money. crap.

this isn't going to be all that interesting because to recap the entire weekend would take entirely to long... so i'll just sum it all up in a few short lines if i can... there was a lot of drinking, a little bit of dancing, definatly some flirting, a crap load of pictures being take on digital and disposal camera's, a little shopping, and a ton of walking and driving. yep... that was the weekend... hope i didn't leave anything out. eh. if i did.... lol what happens in sylvan stays in sylvan.

I had one to many drinks... and ended up at the embassy, with this pretty little thing from memphis tennesse.... it was a one night... extravagansa!

Weekend ago....

Hokay... So!

haha. i think i'm funny... well okay so wednesday started off pretty good was a little tired... not to sure why but i was i even went to bed by like 11pm! i was amazed! lol anyways Katie won a vodka party and well we HAD to go. lol but yes we randomly recuited people to be in it with us cause we didn't feel like calling any one. meh. but yes... after doing what we usually do is wander around and talk to people we know there we started with the dancing... and Katie got drunk. not just her normal drunk... but drunk off of her ass drunk... not good. any ways so finaly i got fed up and wanted to go home so i started looking for her prolly close to around 12:45.... it took me till freaking 2am to find her and get her to leave. ohhh i was pissed.

so yesterday i was uber tired. i didnt' give a shit about anything. but as luck would have it i got to go home early and well i slept all after noon... till katie called like 3 times and woke me up... not happy again. but w/e. This was all after ditching out on Morgan to go to some concert i didn't really wanna go to. so the plan was since Katie NEEDED to get outta her house (she definatly owes me gas money) we ended up going to her friend Jordans house. so we chilled there and well since Katie had never been to the branch it seemed like a good idea at the time... BUT the line up was ASS MASSIVE! i stood there for like 3 min said hi to Matty Peterson and well basically just wanted to go back to bed. so i did! :D lol well after saying good by to Jordan and those guys.(really nice, really good looking) but yeah so i dropped off Katie after telling her i didn't have gas to drive her to Lorne ave to her other friends house and well basically curled up in bed... then my phone rang... it was Luke. lol gosh i was popular last night. anyways he just wanted to know if the concert i was supposed to go to was still on but i didn't know so it was all good.
but yes. I'm thinking a nice night at home tonight maybe... or i'll call Kate and be like i miss you lets mate. (Kate if you read this... we really should mate... not date. no no. MATE!)


Grown n sexy from your head down to your toes...

Rave to Rant...

Okay... So i know it's been a while but i've kinda been buzy-ish, and well my computer went down again. but i figure it's time for an update on the weekend at least...

So Thursday was the Branch and it was amazing, with the dancing and everything. I was just glad to get out with everyone. Mia, Sara, Kate! It was just an all around good time. considering the night before Sara, and myself went to the OD cause we won a Vodka party. and definatly danced the night away. as per usual. Friday was definatly a Pub Crawl. and now we have taken Sara's virginity for that. it was a good time. we even got pulled over buy the cops and i ripped a pair of pants for the second time in like 2 weeks. I need to stop doing that. lol and each time I was dancing... I'm hard core i guess!

then after the pub crawl i called Morgan and he came over even tho i was all drunk n such. but it was pretty good. I bascially fell asleep laying on him... i guess i snore? but then again so does he. HA! anyways. yeah then last night cause i was bored and alone all freaking day, that and he was drunk and i didn't feel like having him drive over to my house like that, ANYWAYS! we watched Chicken Little. gosh I love that movie. lol well actually I just love "Fish out of water" funniest thing of my life! but yeah... I'm going to switch from weekend re cap to rant.

Okay so here's the deal. as some of you may know I'm seeing Morgan... and I like him i do. and here's the but. well actually there are a few. so here goes. he's... i don't know how to explain it... i almost want to say immature. i know, i know... you should expect that but only to a point. if i'm sitting there and you start with the baby talk... i get a little weirded out. and thats only part of it. i really don't know. he just seems kinda clingy to. the boy sent me like 6 text messages while i was outside for 45min... but i haven't even been seeing him for a week and he's already like that? i like that he wants to talk to me but come on... i don't need an update each time you do something different.

i suppose thats why i'm in not such a good mood right now. i just kinda realized this... then i do what i always do when i'm home alone and need to just not be and think. i went driving. went over it all in my head. i like him i do... i just don't know if it's going to work. BUT! i'm not going to just drop it like it's hot. i'll hold off... see if things get better worse or stay the same. and i'm not sure if i want to say anything to him about it. cause if that's who he is... then thats who he will always be. *sigh*.

Is it all just an illusion?...

Oh no! I dropped my meat!

Soooo last night i definatly went out with Katie. Which started out pretty good. We went to see John Tucker must die! awesome movie. it's a chick flick most definatly but it's just so gosh darn funny. I mean don't get me wrong it's definatly predictable but still good and it has a few twists. And then we definatly went for McDonalds.

The phone call i got while we were in McDicks definatly suprised me. mainly because i wasn't expecting it. I met him at the OverDrive the other night and told him to call me. lol didn't think he would. but anyways yes "Love" called. Now i call him that because he's from Love, Saskachewan. anyways he definatly called. i was stoked. lol then laughed cause he used the whole 3 day rule. silly boy.

back to the story. Katie and I proceeded to the Duece because well where else do you go on a tuesday? but yes it kinda went down hill and back up and down a little... well you get the idea. it went down because she was being all weird and clingy and then it was good cause i saw a bunch of people i haven't in a while. Travis, Scotty to hottie, Steve I, Cropper, my cous Javis, Rich. hahah that was a good time just talking with all of those guys. but then i lost Katie and had to go find her. ugh. so finally i just wanted to go home but on our way to the car who should we see but Timmy Hanstock. lol so i gave him a ride home. Then it was crash time which is what i did when my head hit the pillow. was out like a freaking light.

all n all it wasn't a stellar night... it wasn't a total bust. it was definatly a so so kinda night which i'm okay with. mind you i think i need a little me time lately just because i've been going out so freaking much. i either need to find a guy that'll last more than like a week or i need to just stop going out completely! which both might happen. lol or at least i'll stop going out. but yes. I think i just need to stop having such a hecktic kinda life and be simple for a while.

I think i need to take a little me time...