How messed up am I?

okay so here it is Saturday morning after a pretty good night, and I finaly realized just how messed up basically everything in my life is. lol not in a bad way it's just really effed.

okay so First we'll start with my family. we are what i like to call "socailly active"... and the meaning of that? well basically we all go out at least once a week if not more. my mom has gone out twice this week, my dad about three times i think... brent doesn't count because he only lives here on the weekends because he's working out of town but when he is home he goes out every night. that's at least three times. Curtis goes out every night technically because he hardly sleeps at home. (He basically lives at Tams) and me? well i've been trying to save money so this week it's only been Twice that i've gone out. which is pretty good. usually it's four or more in a week ( I start my week early.)

Second... we'll go with my working habits. those are really messed up. why? because i hardly work if i can help it. which really doesn't help with my spending habits. But! thats really okay becuase well soon enough i won't be able to take any Downtime (aka going home early and not getting paid) but i'm still considered full time... but really there was a cheque where i only worked about 36 hours... in two weeks... lol but then when it gets really buzy i'll always have to stay a full day and then i'll start taking overtime and working 6days a week to fund myself and all of the trips i'm going to be taking. ANYWAYS! whats really messed is that i did actually sign up for Over time on sunday... now what happpened to that was I found out that Swollen Members is coming to town on Sunday... now you see the problem. But they love me at work and well now i don't have Overtime on sunday...

Third... do i really have to get into my love life? you all know it's messed up. lol if i'm not switching guys every week well then i start a long distance relationship... we won't go into detail with that one. (p.s i'm okay with it)

Really i could almost go on forever with the fact that my life is messed up but i think you all get the idea. but hey! my life maybe messed up as a mo fo. but i'm happy with that. because well other wise things would get boring... and then i would have to curl up into a corner and die because well... i'd be bored.

I never asked for this life... but I screamed!

A yelling, sleep deprived, dancing, picnic of a weekend.

Okay... so this weekend was pretty killer... Friday was kinda laid back. Went to see Accepted with Sara, Gabe, and Rainnin (P.s that's most likely not how to spell his name) it was pretty awesome movie. i definatly liked it... maybe even enough to buy it. but yeah then we came back to my house to play some pool and watch some tv. then definatly as i was getting ready to go to bed Graham called. I just can't say no to talking to that boy. so i stayed up till about 3am? i think that was it.

Saturday was a little more... stress filled i guess you could say. I got to deal with the fuck heads and the Hyundi dealer ship... twice. gosh lucky me! first they leave me sitting there while i wait for them to cut the 2nd key for my car for like an hour and a half... it was only supposed to take a freakin half an hour. THEN i couldn't get any of the 3 keys that i have to open the drivers side door. so okay i come home and have some lunch and go back and they tell me it's not their fault that it's broken. so i kinda lost my temper a little and started bitching about how it worked this morning BEFORE i got the new key cut and all of a sudden i get it back and it doesn't work? well i guess he thought he could bullshit his way out of it cause i'm a teenager. fuck that shit. fuck it right now. i made that basterd fix my car. lol and i didn't have to pay either. turns out the cylinder for the lock just gets stuck sometimes but he could have just said that... stupid retard.

then it was on to babysitting. for Noah and Tristan. cute kids. and then it was off to babysitting for Lori. even cuter kids. lol i spent most of the time reading to Delaine cause she wanted me to and well Dawson and Evan just kinda watched Tv. aaaannnd then Sara decided she wanted to go dancing... lol so we went to the Pat. again it was a good time. it's been a while since i've just gone to the bar to go dancing. thats not the best part of the night tho... ohhh the best part was AFTER the Pat... we went to McDicks cause we were hungry. so then Sara decided we needed to have a picknic in the parking lot. best thing of my life! so there we sat with Gabe and Rainin just eating on the ground in the McDicks parking lot. man we got a lot of funny looks.

so then i was supposed to call Graham... but the silly kid passed out on me. lol so i watched Just my Luck. and well stayed up till about 3am doing it. but man it was a good time cause i got to sleep in today and it was just glorious. i'm tired right now but oddly satisfied with everything thing. I'm good with work (if i can ever work a full day that would be good) Sara and Kate (even tho i don't really see much of them) are good as well. I'm okay with not seeing them as often cause well these things happen. and well Graham even tho he's not here is definatly amazing. thats all i'm going to say thats it i'm out!

If what they say is true...You’re a boy - and I'm a girl...
I will never fall in love with you

Video - India Arie

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen

I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

When I look in the mirror the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know our creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes I'm lovin' what I see

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen

I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

Am I less of a lady If I don't wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows
But,I've drawn a conclusion,
It's all an illusion confusion's the name of the game
A misconception, avast deception Something's gotta change
Don't be offended this is all my opinion ain't nothing that I'm sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Free your mind, now's the time Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself 'Cause everything's gonna be all right

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen

I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always beIndia Arie

Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your Caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your crystal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of Crystal
Don't need your sillicone, I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen

I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

a recap of events?

alllrighty then! so i know i kinda vowed to not spend any money lately but that kinda went out of the window... why you ask? because i mentioned to my dad i wanted a car starter for around christmas time cause i don't have enough right now... what does he freaking do? makes me an apointment for like tuesday! fuck me sideways! ugh. so i say fuck-it-all. but yeah w/e i'm going to do what ever the hell i want for right now and he can kiss my lilly white ass.

any ways! it's been a pretty movie oriented time for the last few days... Sunday i went to the Covanent with Sara and Jamie. at the new Galaxy Theatre! that place is HUGE!! i freaking love it in there... i'm going to live in there like the phantom of the opera... or not.. ANYWAYS! the movie was pretty good made even better by the hott men in the movie. man i orgasmed like 10 times just watching it. (lol but not really) ANY WAYS! after that i got home and well didn't really wanna go to sleep so i stayed up till around... i think it was 2am that night talking to Graham.

Monday was pretty laid back as well. Sara and I went over to Derek and Lukes house to watch some movies and well that was just a random movie night so it was pretty good. i didn't really wanna do much that night anyways. so naturally i dropped sara off and then i went home and once again talked till around 2am with Graham (ps. that boy is way bad for my sleeping patern... lol!)

Tuesday... well that was just one hell of a night. It was Me, Sara, Kate, and Jamie. and we went to see Step Up... your classic Dance meets gangster movie. lol there is shooting of a kid, and then they all want to be better people in his memory... but the dancing was good and some pretty good looking guys in that one to. so naturally it was good. the ride home got even better... well after we dropped off Jamie, Sara decided she had to pee... really really bad. so Kate was most definatly trying to make it as rough for her as possible because well Sara kept screaming "do you want me to pee on your seat!?" funniest thing ever. then well after that i decided i needed to yell at some people walking. so we spotted a bunch of guys (kinda older) but it still worked cause well i just put on my sunglasses and yelled "WORKIN OR WALKING SWEETHEART!?" funniest thing ever... then it was home... to bed because i was tired...

but this week the majority of it has been pretty gosh darn good. with all the movies and the talking on the phone ( i don't really care how late it is or how much it costs) it's been amazingly good. and pretty random i might add. lol

Money can't buy me happiness but i'm happy so i can buy what i want!

Money? what's that?

so here i am... on a saturday night sitting by myself... why you ask? because well Sara is at work till around 10 ish. and i've been waiting for my friend Kayle to call. but thats not why i came on here... the reason? because it's been a while and i've been thinking. well... more analyzing myself like i tend to do on just such occations.

so lets see. i've just been thinking about my lifestyle and things. so what i do is i go to work (sometimes not even for a full 8 hours) and then i come home and more often than not i would have something to do and would end up going out and doing something that costs money. then i would come home and go to bed just to wake up the next morning to do it all again, and for what really? to go out and live life like the 19 year old i am? well a part of me is definatly liking it. and i really do enjoy the time i spend with my friends but why must i always spend so much money on it. i have no idea. i've been working for a year now and do you know how much money i have saved?? none. zero. nada. zip. zilch. and what do i have to show for it? my car and my phone. thats it. mind you i do have some killer memories but still what good are those when i want to move out? *sigh* so i've decided to stop going out so much. and well if i can't manage that to just freaking stop spending money. lol we'll see how long this lasts.

other than that all i have to say is that i'm content. i've got my amazingly amazing friends, i've got a good job that i may not love but certainly don't hate, and some sort of wierd long distance relationship. lol i'll go into specifics on a different entry but it's just good. because as you all know i tend to jump into things head first and well with this it's basically impossible. mind you i do miss the physical part of it i'm getting to know the other side of things. it's good. but i'm definatly having a good time going out with Sara and Kate and just doing whatever and not really thinking about anything.

p.s Happy belated birthday Jackie.

i'll be alright... and it's alright!

Just a little itty bitty.

Okay... so as many of you know last weekend was the weekend of Sylvan lake... and man it was freakin awesome, drinkin, awesome weather, and the hottest men you will ever see. i should have just strapped a bucket to me to catch all of the drool. okay... not only were they hott but they definatly had some sectacular vehiculars. lol.

aside from the fact that i'm definatly missing it life is pretty sweet, cept for the fact that i'm completely broke. not just i've got only like $100 in the bank... i'm talking full out i've got a total of like $17 in the bank right now. i think it's funny cause i'm so used to going out all the time and now i've got like 2 weeks where i can't do much of anything because it all costs money. crap.

this isn't going to be all that interesting because to recap the entire weekend would take entirely to long... so i'll just sum it all up in a few short lines if i can... there was a lot of drinking, a little bit of dancing, definatly some flirting, a crap load of pictures being take on digital and disposal camera's, a little shopping, and a ton of walking and driving. yep... that was the weekend... hope i didn't leave anything out. eh. if i did.... lol what happens in sylvan stays in sylvan.

I had one to many drinks... and ended up at the embassy, with this pretty little thing from memphis tennesse.... it was a one night... extravagansa!