So as some of you may i know i've been seeing a guy lately. He shall remain nameless for the point of the rant. Classical me coming into play here. tho not really. well here let me explain my dating past for you all...
i tend to do a few things. and mostly i've just thought it was commitment issues... which may be part of it. but lately i've noticed that the guys i tend to go for i can't really have a conversation with. or can't stand to be around for extened periods of time alone. so really these are dead end relationships from the begining. basically like the one i'm in now. i like spending time with him, unfortunatly it's never just us. it's usually at the bar, or with his friends or something. i just... uhg. i feel like there is something missing in the relationship. i guess i notice this very soon usually and end it or just avoid them... which really isn't fair to them but thats just the way i am. then there is the whole thing that never really works out with the guys that i can actually talk to and just be alone with... we won't get into the whole "Clay" disaster. i guess i'm screwed either way. my standards are apparently very high and either it doesn't work out with the ones who i deam worthy or i just don't feel anything for them really.
maybe i talk myself into thinking i like them... that could be right... because i don't really date any one then i get lonely and talk myself into liking some one for the fact of just having some one then i realize that it just doesn't work and end up alone again anyways. man i am fucked up. *insert long stress filled sigh* i hate it when i finally figure these things out. i think the other reason i talk myself into liking some one is because i look around and see my friends and the fact that my two best friends are in serious relationships and just feel left out in that respect. i guess i should just stop jumping into things like i usually do and maybe just slow down with the whole thing. but me being the person i am... really sucks.
Take this on this straighjacket feeling...
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2 comments:
*hug*
Aw darling you know I love you. At least now you've figured it out and things can only get better from here. But I think that this latest *unnamed* guy has been different for you. I only met him once, but he appears different from the rest. But appearances can be deceiving. Finding someone you can stand for extended periods of time and love to talk to and be around, by yourselves and around others, takes a long time. And by trying out different types of people and relationships you will get closer and closer to what you are looking for until you find it. And don't worry, I'm always on the look-out for someone that I can live vicariously through you with! ;) Call me later! (And I still maintain that you should reconsider not coming camping. Being drunk and rowdy always helps! You could always just come for the evening and then go home, too!)
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